You know those moments when you wish the ground would just swallow you up? Like the time I got a strike at bowling and lost my skirt-mid celebratory dance? Or fell asleep in a church service and woke myself up because of a humongous fart… (in my defense I was six).. Well this was one of those moments.
I often say to people that a ginger-moment is a very real thing, and whilst they happen less than blonde/brunette and senior moments when they do happen, they happen in truly EPIC proportions.
So I’m in John Lewis’ after a week of what I’d like to think of as DIY-awesomeness! I’d had such a productive week clearing out my room, painting, glossing, ripping up carpet, my DIY points were through the roof, pun intended! Mum had even laid a carpet! (this impresses me so much, and is a credit to the fact – with God ANYTHING is possible.)
Now I could end the blog post there, with the lesson that we can do anything with God’s help, even lay carpets, but I know you’re desperate to hear the rest of the John Lewis disaster so I’ll get on with it.
We walk into the store in search of a bed to go into my room, On our way to the bed department I’d already been slashed by a protruding display unit and wasn’t so happy, but what could go wrong with a spot of bed shopping hey?
So it begins, like a literal Goldilocks I sit on beds, too big, too small, ooo this ones nice.. All is going beautifully until I decide to sit on a pretty looking white wooden framed bed. I park my not so delicate behind on the edge of the bed to hear CRUNCH.
Laughter ensued from somewhere, followed by a sales assistant practically jogging across the section to scoop me up off the floor and inspect the damage.
‘Oh, you broke it, like really broke it, that’s the frame…’ announced said shop assistant to the Wednesday afternoon browsers.
Oh I had broken it alright, not just one or two slats, but the side of the bed FRAME!! Right then and there I wanted the ground or the bed even to swallow me up, never to darken the doors of John Lewis again.
I looked up the definition of mortified today and it sums me up at that moment precisely
My bruised behind, and my battered pride retreated to a safe distance to see the shop assistant having a good laugh at my expense and telling every customer within hearing distance that the ginja woman broke the bed.
In the following moments I battled my emotions, shock, humiliation and self loathing made hot tears imminent! I just wanted out of there. Isn’t it weird the way we are wired sometimes? In that moment all I could think about was ‘The fat girl broke the bed, and now that guy over there is telling everyone!’
You can laugh at me now, it’s ok, a few days on and I can laugh at myself! But in that moment of frustration I was so harsh on myself. I’ve done stupid stuff before, had accidents before and laughed them off, but sometimes I can turn into my own worst enemy.
Thank God that he does not define us by what we do, what we think of ourselves, what we look like or what others think of us. He knows our heart.
Did me breaking a bed and hating myself for a few minutes change the fact that God loves me? definitely not!
Did it teach me that I need to chill about things? Yes it did.
Did it teach me that he loves me despite the ginger-moments? Yes, but I knew that already.
Did God enjoy my humiliation? No way! He may have chuckled watching this bit in the blooper role of my life but it’s the chuckle of a loving father that loves me no matter what.He definitely didn’t approve of me being down on myself but from that stupid encounter in John Lewis the silver lining was actually stopping myself from thinking about myself in such a negative way, and learning to laugh despite the tears!
Don’t let your inner voice define how you look at yourself! Don’t let that inner voice pass judgement on your life! Refuse to let the devil tell you that you’re not good enough, that you’re useless and that you’re a failure because of the silly little things that affect you.
God doesn’t create rubbish, he creates beautifully intricate people each with their own unique qualities and gifts, each created to sit beautifully within the family of the church, complementing the gifts of others so that we can signpost people to Jesus.
So let me leave you with this verse from Ephesians: