The day He called me Beautiful

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I’ve had some pretty unique moments on buses. They’ve been a source of amusement and encouragement at times. There’s beauty in overheard conversations, moments when social convention is thrown out of the window and times when God just shows up.

Having a car means that i’m not often found on buses anymore but it just so happens that my last bus trip was pretty incredible.

Girls, you are all beautiful. I’ve said it before, I’ve blogged it before and I definitely believed it, for you all. I just never believed it for myself, not truly, not deep down and I know I’m not the only one who thinks of themselves this way.

I went to Colour Conference this last weekend, it was incredible.  11,000 women packed out the Wembley Arena to meet with God, hear from him and be inspired by some incredible women of God.

I couldn’t keep up with my note writing as Christine Caine brought the house down, praying passionately and declaring transformation over our lives. To be fair she speaks so fast that I don’t even think the fastest shorthand-er in the WORLD could get it all down but here’s what I did write:

Don’t treat Jesus like he’s a visitor that you see just on Sunday’s:

John 1:14 says: ‘The word (Jesus) became flesh and moved into the neighborhood.’

Let him move into the neighborhood of your life. Let him sit with his arms around your soul. Open the gates of your heart, let the walls you put up fall and reveal the chaos – let him create the order. Let him into the mess, come as you are, all of you, let him see beyond the guestroom to the backstage of your life, give him the VIP all access pass. Backstage, front stage, depths, dark and light. Jesus doesn’t deal in condemnation, he deals in salvation and transformation!

So with those words ringing in my heart and a time of worship where He (God) spoke into it we left for the evening to catch the bus back to the hotel, we were ahead of the crowds and managed to get a seat.

About halfway back to the hotel a lady got up and came and stood next to me and said something that would have been weird in any other situation – ‘I saw you, in worship,’ I smiled, there were many of us there but yep that was definitely a possibility.

‘I had my eyes closed and I saw you, your face was right there, in front of me. I didn’t know why.’ I continued to smile, apprehensive of what was coming next. This woman did not know me and I didn’t know her but in that moment we were connected.

‘I’m sorry for my English I’m from Sweden,’ she said. ‘I don’t have the words but when I saw you here on the bus I asked God what he wanted me to say.’

‘He told me that you’re beautiful.’

All I could say was thank you and hug her as I tried not to break down! ‘You are precious and beautiful,’ she repeated as we hugged.

What she did not know was that evening in the ministry time I decided that I was making true on the notes I had written, no more ridiculous attempts to ‘hide away’ the things I didn’t want seen. I asked the Holy Spirit to take over all the spaces that i’d locked away – to unlock all those little cupboards and drawers that contained all my deepest, darkest secrets and to deal with them. (I know it’s a little ridiculous that I thought I could hide what was in plain sight to God – but I’ve a feeling we all try and do that at times and there’s a liberation, a freedom, that comes from laying everything before Him.

I said to God ‘The ugly duckling is gone, we’re starting again,’ and that moment on the bus, where a complete stranger was brave enough to share what He had told her, was all the confirmation I needed to start believing:

I am Beautiful.

He said so.

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